Peninsula Interfaith Counseling Center for Women

SOLACE IN THE WAITING ROOM: A Spiritual Journey | Relationships

Most of us select our friends based on our likes, dislikes, and expectations. What we want out of the ensuing relationship may not be mutual. We find that people rarely meet our expectations. They have expectations of their own that we will be judged by. No matter how uncomfortable it feels, the initial work required to build a lasting relationship takes time. The most important thing is that we have a relationship with ourselves first.

How do we allow another person into that realm of intimacy reserved only for our closest friends, family, or confidants without being fully aware of our own needs? Sometimes we may prefer causal relationships. Ones that do not require risk-taking, trust, or disclosure of any kind. It is imperative that we know who we are. The process can be daunting; however, it is doable.

We bounce in and out of relationships all too often, not knowing why it did not work out. Solace, in the waiting room will strengthen your levels of self-awareness, self-healing, self-respect, and most importantly self-love.

Relationships, although sometimes painful, are a necessary part of life. Relationships can be very satisfying if allowed to blossom. Tough relationships build us up in the weakest areas of our lives. However, it takes self-cognition, willingness, and honesty. Denial plagues many of us.

We profess to be loving, caring, strong, and capable of handling our relationships with ourselves and others. This is far from the truth. While exclaiming, I got this, I don’t need anyone’s help, we are sometimes fully aware that we have not only lied to our help, but we have also lied to ourselves. The facts are clear. Fear prevents us from becoming vulnerable. There is nothing worse than being alone and fearful of allowing another person to get close enough to help you through a rough situation. The flip side is allowing someone in and demanding their total and absolute loyalty to you and you alone. That is unrealistic. The relationship ends in anger, and feelings get hurt.

Demanding to be the center of attention in anyone’s life leads to resentment. Unfortunately, when we don’t take the time to get to know ourselves intimately before making others our priority. Consequently, we become shaky, insecure people who place unrealistic expectations on others. We can, however, check our motives through prayer and meditation. It is important that we recognize our true desires. Understanding why we think and feel the way we do takes time. Many of us don’t have a clue that we don’t know who we are.

Patience and commitment are key elements of our spiritual journey. Learning to pause and not react impulsively is an indication that we value ourselves and others. We find solace in the waiting room. Hasty decisions and actions have consequences.  

This book will teach us how to become motivated to change. In it, you will find answers and solutions. Keep it simple. Practice the spiritual principles embodied in this work daily. Complications can distort our communications with ourselves and others, making it difficult. Scrapping an idea without thinking it through can lead to missed opportunities and positive spiritual growth. Patience with yourself is important. Are you willing to devote the time and energy needed? It may be difficult and challenging; however, it is worthwhile.

Excerpt from: SOLACE IN THE WAITING ROOM: A Spiritual Journey | COMING SOON ON AMAZON AND KINDLE.

Written by Adrienne Vanterpool in support of Hanifah Talks and https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

PICC URL:  https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

Hanifah Talks URL:  https://hanifahtalks2018.blogspot.com/

Adrienne Vanterpool URL:  https://adriennevanterpool.com/

Peninsula Interfaith Counseling Center for Women

Random Lamentations

Change is A Coming

A Coming of Age

A Coming of Healing

A Coming of Hope

A Coming of Peace

A Coming of Love

A Coming of Unity

Change is A Coming

Mental and Spiritual Clarity

A Coming of Authenticity

A Coming of Life

A Coming of Joy

Change is A Coming

Pressure Release

A Coming of Balance

A Coming of Manifestation

A Coming of Spirituality

A Coming of Faith

A Coming of Knowledge

Change is A Coming

Adrienne Vanterpool

Written by Adrienne Vanterpool in support of Hanifah Talks and https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

PICC URL:  https://peninsulainterfaithcc.com/

Hanifah Talks URL:  https://hanifahtalks2018.blogspot.com/

Adrienne Vanterpool URL:  https://adriennevanterpool.com/

Peninsula Interfaith Counseling Center for Women

What You Should Know Before You Say

I do. Marriage is a commitment. It is not a one-sided commitment. This is a mutual commitment that both parties make in the knowledge that this is potentially a lifetime commitment. This concept ensures you a successful marriage. Not perfect, successful. Your forever person comes with flaws. We each have our own set of bandages that are unpacked over the years. As we let down our guard and remove our masks, we reveal our true selves. We become vulnerable. However, we should not use our partners’ vulnerability as a weapon against them. But rather as an opportunity to let down our guard as well. When we marry someone, we are engaging in a relationship with a whole person. A complete person. One that experiences joy, sadness, pain, disappointment, elation, gratitude, and pride. All expressed in their own weird, quirky, and often surprising ways. These traits are accompanied by entire families. In-laws who will often welcome us or completely turn their back on us. Let’s not forget we too have families who will either love or hate the person we have chosen to marry. These all present just a fraction of the issues newlyweds face.

Before you put a “ring on it”. Before you say, “I do”. How well do you really know your partner? Dating can be frightening. We want to put our best foot forward. We dreg letting someone really get to know who we really are for fear they may or may not stick around. So, up pops our representative saying all the right words and behaving their best to win you over. Have you ever heard a newlywed say, “I never knew or saw this behavior before we got married”? Often shortly after the honeymoon feeling bewildered and ready to call it off.

Every relationship takes time, valuable time. Spend it well. Get to know the person you are in a relationship with thoroughly. Don’t make assumptions, ask questions and listen for the answers. The most important thing is to hear what another person is saying. Not what you think they are saying. There can be a huge disparity in what you think they said as opposed to what is really being said. Don’t be afraid to ask again for the sake of clarity. Be deliberate and intentional during your discussions. Better now than finding out later you have real compatibility issues that cannot be resolved through marriage counseling.

Is your partner a team player? Does he or she have a poor credit history? Are they honest and transparent? What are their views – politically, economically, religiously, and so on? This all matter. Couples that marry become families. Your forever person’s opinions and ideologies play an important role in raising children. Do you want children? Do they? These questions all seem like pushing the envelope off the table during the dating stage. However, when your relationship grows beyond the casual dating point, they all need to be addressed. We are talking about your future and the type of lifestyle in intend to live.

Written by Adrienne Vanterpool in support of Hanifah Talks

Peninsula Interfaith Counseling Center for Women

Learn to Forgive

Many people have done things that may have been inappropriate at some point that eventually caused harm or hurt in some way or another.   

However, I do not dwell on past hurts or those who have caused harm. Simply because I have, in fact, forgiven everyone who has. 

People and situations arise in our lives to help us grow and become the people that God intended us to be.  Holding on to past hurts serves no purpose in life.  I feel that incumbent upon us to learn whatever lesson those injuries can teach.  Allowing anyone to hurt you, to the point of unforgiveness is pointless. What was done in the past is no longer happening. Therefore, allowing it to haunt you today is counterproductive. 

There are people that will intentionally try to cause great harm, however, they are unsuccessful in their attempts. Our perception at the time a particular circumstance is occurring plays a major part. People are who they are.  It will not change them by holding on to bitterness or hatred towards them.  Know without a doubt, that Allah is our provider, protector, guide, healer, strength, and ever-present confidant. He knows every plan and, He will not allow evil to prevail. 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 

Hanifah Abdul Haqq

Peninsula Interfaith Counseling Center for Women

“This too shall pass.” 

This is a poignant statement. It gives rise to the realities of life. Things come and things go. What things, one might ask. Love, sadness, joy, friends, family, wealth, poverty, sickness, health, victory, and defeat are all transient. The only constant in life is change; nothing stays the same. Nothing last forever. Our time here will come to an end. What we do with the gifts we have been granted varies from person to person. When I speak of gifts I am not just talking about all the great and grandiose things that we can or have acquired. I speak also about times of sorrow, pain, and loss. These too are gifts. We may not understand when we are in a situation that puts us to the test. Later, as we reflect on what events have transpired, if we are open to the universe’s teachings, we will get clarity on the “why” of the event. That part. The part that lets us know in a very striking way, we are human and only God is in control. That part, that teaches us the lessons of life we need to take heed of in all our affairs. How do we not see God at work in every situation? No matter what it is, or how it feels, it is a gift from God giving us the strength to move.  He created us to be fluent, not stagnant or stuck.  I know it is hard to recognize the joy of knowing “this too shall pass,” because it will. He is my guide, my protector, my strength, and my comforter. Everything I need comes from His infinite source where there is no lack, only abundance. If He brought me to it, He will bring me through it. So enjoy the moment, this too shall pass. 

You woke up this morning in pain or not. You took a deep breath, opened your eyes, and saw the sunshine even on a cloudy day. Rich or poor, it does not matter what your circumstance is; we are all blessed with the same opportunity each day we rise. Be grateful, this too shall pass. 

Grand rising, Hanifah Abdul Haqq